In the meantime, let me present you with the faces of evil.
Sure, they look innocent enough, but they might very well drive me insane in the next month. Now that I *think* we will be moving, the birds are irritating me more than ever. It's like they know they only have about a month left to be catered to 24/7. Monty's face says, "don't even THINK about peeing alone, lady, because I'm going to scream so loudly, your neighbors will be slipping notes under your door before you know it." And so, Monty sits on my shoulder while I pee. There, I admit it.
I've been enjoying a nice period of relative quiet out of Lola that I've come to enjoy. She seems to be past her egg-laying stage for the year which leaves me with a sweet, quiet cockatiel. But for some reason, she has turned into a screaming banshee in the last few days. When Monty screams, he wants to be picked up. When Lola screams, she wants...well, I don't know what she wants. I'm convinced her brain is in backwards or her neurons aren't firing quite right because no matter what I do, I cannot please her. Pet me. Don't pet me. Pick me up. Put me down. Put me to bed. No, now I want to sit on you. It's making me crazy. At least with Monty I can serve as his personal escort around the condo and he will be quiet. Lola may continue screaming no matter what I try.
And then this morning, I almost killed them both!!! Not really, but I was exasperated. I pack up my stuff and Lola knows it's almost time to go into her cage. Lola is not finger-trained, but she has a stick she steps up on. When I get her stick out, she starts her flying around the room business, complete with wails of desperation. That in turns sets Monty off, who cannot fly. So, he falls onto the floor and immediately runs under the coffee table. This starts a really fun game of me laying on the floor, gently coaxing Monty out from under the coffee table. I use my nicest, most patient voice and pat the floor, while mentally, I'm saying to myself, "you'd better get out here, you little shit. I don't have all day." He'll get just close enough for me to reach out my finger for him to step up, but as soon as I do, he scrambles back under the coffee table.
And this goes on. And on. Mrs. Nice Birdie Escort no longer. I get one of Levi's toys to poke him out from under the table. Except he runs the other way and as soon as I get over there, he runs back under. It's beyond infuriating. And do you know what my perfect angel dog is doing? Just laying down, waiting patiently for his Kong, watching me try to get this little shithead bird back into his cage. Said bird even runs right up to perfect angel dog, who does nothing but look at me with angelic eyes. I swear I can hear the cherubs singing when he looks at me.
Finally, Monty decides the game is over. He runs out from under the table and just as I go to pick him up, he squeezes out the tiniest shit ever onto the carpet. Really, Monty? You couldn't wait two more seconds for me to get you to your cage? I swear, he did it just to spite me. Monty goes into his cage, Levi gets his Kong, and my sanity continues to slip away...