It's been a long time since mom has let me take over blogging duties for her. The tiny human is sucking up all her time these days. You would think that when it sleeps mom would give me the attention I deserve, but all she does is type at her computer. Well, I managed to pry the computer away from her long enough to tell you about Christmas this year. I wasn't expecting much because of the tiny human's presence, but it ended up being pretty great! In the weeks before Christmas, I knew mom was up to something because she would come home with packages that smelled delicious. She wouldn't let me investigate and would immediately put them up in the treat cabinet. Why she just didn't let me have a taste of anything was beyond me.
One day a package came all the way from Maine addressed to Mr. Levi and Mr. Neptune. I asked mom if I could open it, but she said I have to wait until Christmas. Seriously, this "Christmas" thing is a real tease. Finally one day we all piled up in the car with tons of presents and foodables and made our way over to mom's mom's house (Nanny's house). I love to go over there because I lived there for six months and Nanny always sneaks me food at the table (a no-no at home) and the whole house smells like kitties even though I can never find the one that lives there.
It was unbearable waiting to open my present. I had to watch all the humans stuff their faces. Dad even made Neptune and me wait outside. The indignity! I would like you to know that in my Million Dollar House, Christmas revolved around ME. I sat in a gold throne while my manservant handfed me the finest cuisine: Kobe beef, lobster, pate, bully sticks, bacon-everything a dog like me deserves. After dinner I was given a full-body massage on my Frette 10,000 thread count linens (not the ones for sleeping, the ones for my massages) until I retired in front of the flat-screen plasma TV for a private screening of Hotel for Dogs. But I digress.
Dad FINALLY opened the package addressed to Mr. Levi and Mr. Neptune and showed us the homemade treats Aunt P sent us. Homemade treats are exactly what I deserve-no commercial stuff for this dog. Some of them were in the shapes of stars and some in the shapes of birds, which I appreciated. I closed my eyes and pretended they were those two birds at home that constantly irritate me. Anyway, here I am enjoying my homemade treats. Oh yeah, I had to share with Neptune.
See how polite I am while Neptune is standing there like a dummy? It's because of my refined background living in my Million Dollar House. I have manners, you know.
Here I am delicately taking the treat. I am both gentle and genteel.
Here Dad is making us work for our treats. I play along because it makes him happy.
The next morning was actually Christmas morning. The good smelling items from the cabinet magically made their way to a stocking. I have to share a stocking with Neptune. Can you believe that? I'd like you to know that in my Million Dollar House, I had 24 stockings, one for each hour of the day on Christmas. At the top of the hour, my manservant would rouse me from my slumber and present to me a stocking embroidered with my name from thread spun from pure gold. The stockings themselves were woven with hair from the finest cashmere goats by only the most skilled Tibetan monks. And here I am now in my dumpy house with my idiot brother and I have to share a stocking with him. But I digress.
Here I am once again demonstrating my good manners while Neptune pushes me aside for first dibs on the toy.
And what's this? A new antler? Even though I chewed on antlers from only extinct Artiodactyls in my Million Dollar House, I admit the antler from a common deer made me happy.
What else is in that stocking? Neptune keeps taking everything.
A Zuke's bone? Don't mind if I do!
Oh good, there appears to be two of them so I don't have to share.
Okay, okay. So the idiot brother is capable of SOME manners, but only because he learned them from me.
And since I am such a gentleman, I allowed Neptune to have first crack at the new antler. We received some other goodies in our stocking, but mom didn't photograph every last thing.
I guess it was a pretty good Christmas after all. I was included in all the festivities on both days and I received lots of goodies. Sure, it doesn't compare to Christmas at my Million Dollar House, but I admit having a mom and dad who dote on me is marginally better than a manservant.